A Bosnian and a Japanese talked about priorities in life. The Japanese said: For me, Japan comes first, my job comes second, and my family comes third. The Bosnian said: It's the opposite for me - first comes family, then work, and only then Japan.
Bosnian man wins a million euros in the lottery. They ask him what he will do with all that money. He replies:
- First I will pay off some debts.
- And what will you do with the rest?
- The rest should be patient a little longer.
Someone asked a Bosnian what he does for living.
- I'm writing.
- What are you writing?
- I am writing to relatives abroad to send me money.
Why does a Bosnian buy tight shoes?
For the pleasure of taking them off.
A Bosnian crosses the border.
The customs officer asked him:
- Cigarettes?
- No.
- Alcohol?
- Not at all.
- Coffee?
- Well, coffee would be nice!
A Bosnian stole 100 liters of brandy and was caught by the police a few days later. Where is the brandy? - they ask. I drank it - he answers. Don't lie, you couldn't have drunk it all. He answers - I drank half. And where is the rest? - I sold it. - And where is the money? - I drank it.
Two Bosnians on an expedition in the jungle, meet the natives, and ask them: - Are there any cannibals here? - There aren't any, we ate them all.
A Bosnian came to the kiosk to buy cigarettes.
The saleswoman gives him a box on which it says: "Smoking reduces potency".
He gives her back the box and says: "Give me the ones that cause cancer".
A Bosnian came to the kiosk to buy cigarettes.
- Do you speak English?
- Yes, please!
- Marlboro.
How does a Bosnian boy court a girl?
You like me. Do I like you?
The Bosnian got a job as a pilot. They call him from the control tower:
- "Please tell us your height and position?"
- "187 cm, I'm sitting".
The Bosnian got a daughter, but he was expecting a son, and for three days he was very sad and drunk. A friend tells him - lighten up, maybe the child is not yours.
Two Montenegrins robbed a bank and came home with bags full of money.
One asks the other: "Are we going to count the money or are we going to wait for the TV news to hear how much we took?"
A Montenegrin was buying a house, so a real estate agent suggested a modern one. He showed the Montenegrin the remote control and said: "Everything in this house is at your fingertips. You press here, the windows open. You press here, the windows close. You press this button to raise the blinds, and this to lower them. You turn the lights on here, and you press here to turn them off...". Finally, he asked how he liked the house, and the Montenegrin replied: "It's very nice, but you have to press a lot...".
What do you call Yugoslavia after Tito?
TITANIC !
How do the Chinese eat
when they are on a diet?
With one stick.
A mother shark teaches her baby to hunt. They go to a beach and watch the swimmers, and the mother shark says to the baby shark:
"First you approach the swimmer, then you make two circles around him. Then you approach him again, and you just hook him a little. Then you move away a little, approach him again, throw him with your tail so that he flies a little and finally you eat him."
The baby shark asks: "And why should I waste so much time, why don't I eat him right away?"
"That's fine, but then you'll eat him with shit."
The wife sent her IT specialist husband to the store:
- "Buy a packet of butter, and if they have eggs, buy ten".
The computer scientist soon returns with 10 packets of butter and says:
- "They had eggs!"
A painter, a doctor and a programmer discuss what is better to have: a wife or a lover.
Says the painter: It is better to have a lover - greater excitement and inspiration.
The doctor says: It is better to have a wife - a safe relationship and stability.
The programmer will say: It is best to have both a wife and a lover. The woman thinks you're at your lover's, the lover thinks you're at the woman's, and you're programming in peace...
The computer technician goes to the store, fills the cart and comes to the cash register. The cashier scans everything and says:
- That's exactly 999.99 for you.
The computer scientist answers:
- Round it to 1024.