Balkan Jokes

To understand what is funny in Balkan jokes, you have to know the stereotypes. For example Bosnians are stupid, and Montenegrins are lazy. By the way, I am half Bosnian, half Montenegrin. 😉

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A Bosnian and a Japanese talked about priorities in life. The Japanese said: For me, Japan comes first, my job comes second, and my family comes third. The Bosnian said: It's the opposite for me - first comes family, then work, and only then Japan.

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Someone asked a Bosnian what he does for living.
- I'm writing.
- What are you writing?
- I am writing to relatives abroad to send me money.

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Why does a Bosnian buy tight shoes?
For the pleasure of taking them off.

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A Bosnian crosses the border.
The customs officer asked him:
- Cigarettes?
- No.
- Alcohol?
- Not at all.
- Coffee?
- Well, coffee would be nice!

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A Bosnian came to the kiosk to buy cigarettes.
The saleswoman gives him a box on which it says: "Smoking reduces potency".
He gives her back the box and says: "Give me the ones that cause cancer".

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A Bosnian came to the kiosk to buy cigarettes.
- Do you speak English?
- Yes, please!
- Marlboro.

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How does a Bosnian boy court a girl?

You like me. Do I like you?

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The Bosnian got a job as a pilot. They call him from the control tower:
- "Please tell us your height and position?"
- "187 cm, I'm sitting".

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Two Montenegrins robbed a bank and came home with bags full of money.
One asks the other: "Are we going to count the money or are we going to wait for the TV news to hear how much we took?"

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A Montenegrin was buying a house, so a real estate agent suggested a modern one. He showed the Montenegrin the remote control and said: "Everything in this house is at your fingertips. You press here, the windows open. You press here, the windows close. You press this button to raise the blinds, and this to lower them. You turn the lights on here, and you press here to turn them off...". Finally, he asked how he liked the house, and the Montenegrin replied: "It's very nice, but you have to press a lot...".

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What do you call Yugoslavia after Tito?

TITANIC !

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Chinese jokes

How do the Chinese eat
when they are on a diet?

With one stick.

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IT jokes

The wife sent her IT specialist husband to the store:
- "Buy a packet of butter, and if they have eggs, buy ten".
The computer scientist soon returns with 10 packets of butter and says:
- "They had eggs!"

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A painter, a doctor and a programmer discuss what is better to have: a wife or a lover.
Says the painter: It is better to have a lover - greater excitement and inspiration.
The doctor says: It is better to have a wife - a safe relationship and stability.
The programmer will say: It is best to have both a wife and a lover. The woman thinks you're at your lover's, the lover thinks you're at the woman's, and you're programming in peace...

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The computer technician goes to the store, fills the cart and comes to the cash register. The cashier scans everything and says:
- That's exactly 999.99 for you.
The computer scientist answers:
- Round it to 1024.